Surprise! People can’t read minds.
It’s one of the most common reasons why relationships fail. We expect our partner to just know what we want. They should understand what we need, how we’re feeling…why we’re mad.
When they fail to anticipate our thoughts, we’re angry. Very angry. Fuming inside, smoke-coming-out-of-the-ears-angry.
Since we can’t read minds, I decided to do some research and poll both men and women about the one thing they wished members of the opposite sex knew about them.
Here are the men’s responses:
They’re afraid to approach us too:
“We are just as afraid to approach you as you are to approach us.”
“We love to be approached by interested women. We don’t think it’s weird or non-feminine. We’re attracted to aggressive women as long as they do it in a feminine way.”
“I’m just as insecure and confused as you. I just know how to hide it better.”
Some thoughts on Sex:
“Blowjobs are the key to a man’s heart. Really.”
“If you’re trying to talk dirty during sex, you just sound dumb. Unless you’re really good at it, just be quiet and moan.” (This one came from an ex in college- who, if I recall, was never into sexting either. I say pish posh to this one!)
“Manscaping is more dangerous than you think, appreciate what efforts (if any) are taken in this endeavor.”
A lot of responses about how men aren’t women:
“We’re not women and we don’t know what you’re thinking. We don’t understand your subtle hints.”
“When I’m stressed, I don’t want to talk. I just want my girlfriend to be quiet and listen.”
“At any given time, I’m literally thinking about women, sex, food, or sports. Men aren’t complicated. I’m tried means I’m tired. I want to see the guy means I want to see the guys.”
“Not wanting to spend time with my girlfriend isn’t a reflection of her. It’s okay for us to not share a mutual interest in everything. Spending time with those interests is completely separate from how we feel about that person.”
“We like to feel in control most of the time, even though we might not always be. The illusion of 51% control is a powerful thing.”
Some men just wish women wouldn’t think all men are that bad:
“Not all men are dogs. How another man treated you is not a reflection of how I’m going to treat you. I’m not your ex so give me a chance.”
And also this:
“All men are bad. Women should just give up.”
I posed the same question to a group of women.
Here are their responses:
“I wish men knew that MANY women find it attractive when a man is emotionally available. The acknowledgment of feelings and your connection with them helps a person to bond with others in a beautiful way. I wish men would allow themselves to be open.”
“They are just as confusing and send as many mixed signals as women do. This is responsible for the way we act half the time. We care to figure it out while most men prefer to dismiss us as crazy.”
“I just want to feel appreciated. Small things like flowers or little notes really go so far.”
Not all women are the same:
“Different women want different things. Some women like sensitive guys, some women want Alpha males. Be honest about who you are and find someone who likes you for you and stop assuming all women are the same.”
“There’s no universal law for what women want or like. Something that worked with your last girlfriend may not work with me.”
Some thoughts on sex:
“Size matters…JK…but no, really.”
“Don’t forget the clit. You can’t pay attention to it for 30 seconds and think you’re done.”
On Being a Woman:
“PMS is a real thing.”
“I wish guys knew that it takes a little effort for us to get ready to see them. They can’t just text us and say: ‘I’m in your neighborhood, can I stop by?’ Chances are my hair isn’t washed, I’m wearing mismatched pajamas, and I just popped a zit. NO, you can’t just STOP BY, I look like a homeless meth addict right now!”
“It takes a lot of work to look this good. But we’re doing it because we like you.”
So there you have it. PMS is real and apparently my ex hated dirty talk.
Anyone else? What do you wish the opposite sex knew?
ADDITIONAL: After I posted this blog, a friend contacted me and said- the one thing I would say is that “people are people, regardless of gender.” I think that’s a pretty smart comment and worth sharing. Everyone is different, so the real key is finding someone who digs your different.