It was February and I was smiling because I was thinking of you. And you were sad because you were thinking of her. That pretty much set the tone for how it was going to be.
It was snowing that night and I remember thinking that the snow looked beautiful in your hair… but that’s because I was happy and everything was beautiful but you were too sad to see the beauty in anything at all.
So while I was trying to make you happy too, you were busy picking up the pieces of your own broken heart. I couldn’t realize that you weren’t whole and the only thing that could heal you was time, so I kept trying to make you laugh.
“I just want to be friends.” you said the first time around and I believed you and let you go.
“We’re not just friends.” you said the second time around and I believed you and let you stay.
You put your arm around my shoulder the third time around and you didn’t have the courage to say anything at all. So I couldn’t let you stay.
Or Go.
So we got stuck in this limbo where we were and weren’t. We couldn’t go back but we couldn’t move on.
You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. And I let you.
Because when you were there I was happy. When you were gone, I was sad.
You were selfish and I was generous
And then I was selfish and you were gone.
You made up sweet excuses to call. I was just glad that you were calling at all.
Until you didn’t.
Maybe by then, you had cleaned up the wreckage she had left behind and you were ready to love someone new. And even though my dreams has been clear about who I was meant to love. And it wasn’t you. I hated knowing that you knew it wasn’t me.
It was July and he was smiling, perhaps he was thinking of me. I was sad because I was thinking of YOU.
But I couldn’t let that set the tone for how it was going to be.
Because if I did, then broken people break other people. And we become a world of people cleaning up the messes left behind.
Until someone has the courage to say enough. Enough. And heals themselves before hurting someone else.
So I said enough. Because I’d had enough.
So I removed your schrapnel from heart. I was tired of being sad and suffering over someone who wasn’t sad or suffering over me.
So I said enough.
Because I didn’t want my past relationships to define my future relationships.
Enough.
Because I didn’t want to be the broken person, sitting damaged and discarded in the clearance section, just waiting for someone else to pick me up.
Enough.
But mostly because I was in a rut of sadness and I didn’t want to be there anymore.
So I said enough.
Broken people break other people. Until someone has the courage to say enough.